KILLER BUDDHISTS


For many people, violence and Buddhism would seem opposites, like Richard Dawkins’ accent and Mama June’s biscuit.

“It’s called a biscuit because it looks like a biscuit”
“The problem is that the average Buddhist is taught, time and again, to think of monks as ascetics who have renounced worldly comforts and are thus immune to human flaws.” 

Translation: Buddhist monks in Myanmar can get away with more than a chimera army of ISIS-themed Hello Kitty dolls, strawberry cream puffs and Australia’s Border Fart Farces.

Does this story not get more attention because it doesn’t fit into our narrative about Buddhism? Ask the average Australian mother, half-passed-out in the gutter at 3am on a school night, about her thoughts on Buddhism and what would they mumble between vomits? “Peaceful” maybe?

Mummy’s having nappy time
The mainstream media knows this and I can understand why they make the choice to talk about every non-fatal shark attack, a new hot beef injection at McDonalds and a ban on selfie dick pic sticks. We consumers can’t help it; our eyes gravitate to key words with an emotional reaction or that are the current fad as we just love novelty.

The only conspiracy here is our brains sabotaging our ability to understand the world ‘as it is’. Our brains evolved to protect us and motivate us, despite the probable pointlessness of existence. Our meat computers don’t really care about modelling the true nature of reality. We need simple narratives so we don’t get overwhelmed at the complexity of the Universe. We crave simple. Anything that hints at the possibility of complexity and cognitive dissonance we can’t handle. Any nuance gives us brain hurt.

I’ll try it myself. I’ll Bada Bing search about the closest thing we have to a real life Yoda, the Dalai Lama. He has said about homosexuality, “People who have a special tradition, you should follow according to your own tradition. … But non-believer, that’s up to them.” In order to placate all his traditional and newage fans, he essentially says in 1 sentence that homosexuality is simultaneously right and wrong. This will work fine for the people that have split the world into believers and non-believers, but for people like me that don’t think we are 2 distinct reptoid species, it reeks of his smelly vegan sh*ts.

“You smelt my finger”
I’ve gone horrendously off topic and need calming. What better way than finding some low-grade celebrity gossip. Headline: “Nick Giannopoulos takes aim at Ryan Fitzgerald for ongoing stoush”. That’s better. I don’t even have to read the article. Fitzy is clearly 0% at fault. He’s the ocker larrikin who loves his footy (AFL, the ‘real’ footy) and is clearly being targeted by a has-been desperately trying to keep selling his ethnic humour DVDs. Problem is, he’s no longer considered ethnic or funny.
The star of Wog Boy 3: A New Irrelevance
So back on topic. Please try to not over-generalise. All Buddhists are not peaceful. All Australians are not bogans. I actually met a non-bogan the other week. I couldn’t understand a word he was talking about. All members of Reclaim Australia are not pure evil. Some are confused time-travelling ninjas that took a wrong turn at Albuquerque. All fast food does not contain soylent pink slime. All popes are not Catholic. All kung fu panda monks do not poop in the bamboo groves. All celebrity chefs are not tossle pots. Actually that is the one exception to the rule: all celebrity chefs are non-stick tossle pots.
Paleo Pete’s baby bone broth is rotting his face

Troll me under a bridge, you sexy oaf.

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