Best of 2015 Part 1, as voted by fan

“It was the best of blogs, it was the worst of blogs, it was a time of great connectivity, it was a time of desperate loneliness, it was the age of science, it was the age of denialism, it was the epoch of calls for food regulation, it was the epoch of consumption of ‘The Chris Christie’, a quad-stacked chocolate-frosted cake doughnut sundae, it was the season of terrible vacation comedy sequels with no re-enactment of Beverly D-Angelo’s shower scene, it was the season of the re-emergence of the dark side of The Force, it was the spring of hope for the end of peak Kardashian, it was the winter of despair over the rise of the Jenner, we had all possibilities before us to conquer the Universe, we had seventh-wave regressive cultural-relativistic neo-Nazi feminism to contend with” – A Tale of Two Delusions

Please to enjoy the absolute best things of 2015, or Year One, when The Founder of The Emergence Starts Now began a movement that would come to bring peace to the world by using hyper-advanced un-joke defibrillators to cure human nature. All items were voted on by the top contributor to The Emergence Starts Now Fund with assistance from Dave Chaffey Hippie’s head creative consultant, his internet czar and his senior restraint technicians.

Best absurd article:

Goop, Sliding Doors & Dave

Excerpt from article:

“Are you a person of faith? The truly blessed in this world are Goop-aholics who gleefully worship Gwyneth Paltrow. Sometimes I wonder whether I might be happier and more successful if I believed in steaming my GMO-free vagina and eating organic macrobiotic llama droppings. Unfortunately for me, I consciously uncoupled from all unfalsifiable belief structures long ago.”

Why is it a must-read?

Many people embrace magical thinking in order to cope with the tragedy of life. But reality denial should be discarded as much as is currently humanly possible in order to bring about world peace, environmental sustainability and a less annoying version of Pepper Potts.

Runner-up best absurd article:

Free Will of Fortune

Free will, crime, punishment and self-service checkout machines with PTSD.

Best absurd tweet:

“Gouda is the enemy of cheese grater”

25 Aug 2015

 Runners-up best absurd tweet:

“I’m just one of the poor waste management contractors that gets blown up in the Death Star. No happy endings; neither kind; nope.”

10 Aug 2015

“Pyramid schemes are like sex with an extreme BBW. Don’t be on the bottom…”

26 Sep 2015

Best clicked absurd article:

Getting Fiery & Furious by Inflammatory Diet Nonsense

Excerpt from article:

“Gluten: well I don’t know about your Grandma but both of mine chugged down way more gluten than any other sticky substance. Show me some real science that supports the health benefits of cutting out gluten for the over-privileged scientific-illiterate worried-well. If you’re truly intolerant (not a self-diagnosed worry-wart) then of course eliminate gluten. But don’t make the leap that just because some people genuinely can’t eat gluten, then all people shouldn’t eat gluten. That’s like saying that because some people are turned on only by BBW GGILFs, all people should also try getting into that specific peccadillo.”

Why most clicked?

Probably because of the key word ‘diet’. People are always looking for the quick fix easy solution to that horrendously complex problem: obesity. Other are looking for the rational backlash against the dieting industry; commentators calling for more science, food regulation and better town planning.

Should we write more dumb diet articles? Paleo was next on our list with Mr Killer Baby Bone Broth Pete Evans. There are lots of articles out there already which deal with the topic really well, such as this one by Helen Razer, just none with enough Bam Bam matricide jokes for our liking.

Runner-up best clicked absurd article:

Survival strategies for this traumatic holiday season – part 1

about how stressed The Founder gets at Christmas time; especially coping with members of his family who more closely resemble a cult than a loving group of people with empathy. And after New Years, things got much worse, but we can’t write details as yet to protect the former cult members while they struggle to start a new life.

More absurdity coming soon…

So that’s part 1 of the awards. In part 2, we’ll delve deeper into the recesses of The Founders mind to a place where no one sane has gone before.

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One thought on “Best of 2015 Part 1, as voted by fan

Troll me under a bridge, you sexy oaf.

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