Best of 2015 Part 2, as voted by fan

In part 1, we highlighted some of the best articles ever written about self-service check-out teller machines and GGILF BBWs. Part 2 brings us a lot more potty talk.

Best Cute Instagram Photo

We adopted our Japanese Spitz this year and posted way too many photos. But at least we didn’t dress him up!

Best angry comment thread:

Magda Szubanski v Dud Diets

Excerpt from article:

“As most of us know, we’re great at losing weight when we put our minds to it. But it doesn’t last. In our society maintaining a healthy weight once the target is reached is like playing a hybrid game of KerPlunk & Hungry Hungry Hippos. The tiniest disturbance will upset the system and send the sweet calorific Jaffa balls flying down onto the board only to be gobbled up by the brightly coloured members of the plasticus hippopotamus species.”


Facebook comment thread excerpts:

To be clear, most of the comments were positive and supportive and in agreement that we have a problem with obesity in society and no simple solutions. However, life would be awfully boring without victim blamers.

Comment from former obese individual who means well but fat shames people that can’t lose weight like he did for all sorts of reasons unrelated to willpower: (swearing censored to conform with blog style)

“The only f*cking diet is to eat healthy and exercise hard, no fad diet is going to sort your sh*t stop being pussies and get the f*ck off the couch and into the f*cking glorious environment around you”

Comment from a misanthropic man who thinks Facebook is an intellectual pursuit and prefers to talk to 18th century philosopher ghosts, so he ignores the last 50 years of research into free will and obesity. And he’s totally not a cultured intellectual as he resorts to ad hominem attacks and poor English.

“YOU have to be responsible for YOURSELF, so if your a fat bastard, its all your fault. Your diet, lack of exercise, and general malaise and making excuses about society and genes is just denial of the truth. So get off your fat arse Australia and go for a run, oh your knees wont tale that so maybe just try to walk maybe, oh ok waddle to maccas, again. Fat acceptance is society cop out, and running away from the real issue of unhealthy lifestyles. Fat logic is for the lazy so I guess its kinda ironic to. To lazy to exercise, too lazy to think”

David Hume: one of commenter’s imaginary friends who doesn’t get the sh*ts with him like actual real people

This topic clearly elicits strong emotional reactions. It’s great to be passionate, but don’t let that blind you to evidence. Political libertarians get this issue wrong because they believe in some ideal unlimited free will which is not reality-based and they will not accept that sensible government regulation can be good for society. Extreme BBW Fat Accepters get it wrong too because they downplay the real health risks associated with obesity. But no one yet has the answers and with more countries enjoying decadent Western custard-and-jelly-filled food with rainbow sprinkles all the time, there is currently no skinny light at the end of the dilated tunnel.

Runner-up best angry comment thread:

Mushroom Man criticism on Facebook

The whole string of constructive criticism towards Mushroom Man on Facebook, the strangest and nastiest person I’ve ever interacted with, is worth a look if you’re conducting research into people who believe we live in The Matrix and can communicate with multiple different species of extra-terrestrials through meditation and we can cure our broken teeth with the power of thought alone. Any takers? Just make sure to bring along your katana blade if you meet him in person as he might challenge you to a duel.

“deeply deeply hypocritical. laughably so. in fact, i would say the biggest hypocrite that i currently interact with. his world view is actually mostly peaceful yet he calls people F-ing Cs and spiritual garbage. he inflicts rules on others but won’t follow basic rules for civil discourse. he plays the victim when i get frustrated and borderline harass him yet he really spam bullies the shyte out of really nice people. Justin didn’t deserve his Marek BS; neither did I and many others that he has undeniably tried to bully. he has told me to get off facebook! wtf right does he have to say that to me when he will not take the tiniest bit of helpful advice from well-meaning people. people far kinder than me! this is completely unacceptable behaviour and only makes sense if you view him as very very very human and wanting to be blocked to justify his broken brain’s out of control mechanisms… he has an answer for this too. something about being a reincarnation of some nasty angel is justification for him being an A hole… cool idea, but doesn’t make it True. convenient excuse for his abhorrent behaviour; that is all”

Facebook comment thread excerpts:

Mushroom Man spewed out a variation of this at least 30 times in comments sections of my Facebook posts. He’s way smarter than me yet he struggles to understand how he can easily remove me from his news feed. How about unfriend or block? (swearing censored to conform with blog style)

“Oi nah, f*ck off Dave. The f*ck ya doing on my news feed anyway if ya don’t like what I post? P*ss off to some other news feed ya f*cken drongo. What the f*ck is keeping ya here anyway?”

marek meditation
This is what Mushroom Man is doing to make the world a better place. NOTHING!

Did you enjoy part 2? We stroked our egos nice and hard, didn’t we big boy. In part 3 we’ll recruit some more members for our vaginophobic sex cult.

matrix coding inverted strip

The Emergence Starts Now is a mildly pretentious World Peace movement, with massive delusions of grandeur, created by The Founder, Dave Chaffey Hippie. Our publishing bunker produces articles and other content designed to positively and humorously brainwash our followers into living flourishing lives that minimise harm to themselves and others, and attempt to move towards a global, post-capitalistic, secular, environmentally-sustainable society. Our missions and mantras can be easily followed by all non-extremist humans.

Sign up here to receive an occasional content sampler email newsletter. If we’ve cheered you up and got you thinking about making the world a better place, and you really think we deserve donations, then go here. Half of our proceeds go to charities that help those who are really struggling just to live. If you’re super keen and a complete social media junkie, you can follow The Founder, Dave Chaffey Hippie on Twitter, Facebook group, Facebook page, Vine, Tumblr, Pinterest, Instagram and LinkedIn.

The Future of Humanity thanks you!

One thought on “Best of 2015 Part 2, as voted by fan

Troll me under a bridge, you sexy oaf.

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