Donald Trump is the ultimate Rorschach Test


What do you see in the inkblot above?

  1. An animal hide from one of Donald Trump Jr’s African trophy hunts
  2. An unmanned drone taking out toddler terrorists teasing Trump’s tantrum taunts
  3. Gemma Collins’ designer vagina on which Donald might tweet: “Look at that! Would anyone touch that? Can you imagine that sitting on the face of our next president?”
  4. The human male’s lust for power and desecrating f*ck trophies
  5. None of the above

How do you feel about what you see in the inkblot above?

Pride, envy, wrath, gluttony, lust, sloth or greed? Should you seek professional help if the inkblot doesn’t really look like anything at all and triggers no emotional response? Surely, it’s just a boring blob of ink for many of us!

Could we possibly improve upon the standard Rorschach Test by showing an image of an ambiguous, cartoonish, clown person?


What do you see in the oinkblot above?

Gaze adoringly for 10 seconds, if you can, at the picture above of probably the most polarising figure in the world today: Donald Trump. What hysterical emotions come gushing out from all your orifices and splatter anyone nearby?

trump blood

If you don’t know who this New York real estate developer & former minor celebrity is, watch his appearances on WWE wrestling and Game of Thrones. Most importantly, follow his Twitter (@realDonaldTrump) to receive Trump’s own wisdom about the clear superiority of Trump and Trump’s undeniable ability to solve all the world’s problems through the art of the deal. Behold this recent Trump tweet:

“We must suspend immigration from regions linked with terrorism until a proven vetting method is in place.” Twitter, 26th June, 2016

So that would mean suspending people migrating out of New York, where the Orlando shooter was born? How about a building a big wall around the state until all New Yorkers can be screened? Donald Trump would need to be contained and screened too; especially in light of his statements about New York values being different to American values.

trump sucks.jpg
2 word catch-phrases are far less effective. What exactly does Trump suck?

Experts have no common sense and are blinded by political correctness

According to experts, who usually don’t get this passionate about anything including their spouses, Donald Trump is a massive phallic tower of contradictions, unscientific views, bizarre bragging, schoolyard bullying, conspiracy theories and alpha male misogyny; all the characteristics required for a world leader who will be responsible for the big red button.

But why should we ever listen to experts? They’ve never done anything to make America great, right? It’s up to us to come to our own conclusions about the man with the golden orange trouser gun purely based on our feelings, intuition and common sense. Even if we have to slam a square Donald into a round Rosie O’Donnell, we need to make sure our opinions on Trump are short and thick and do the trick.

trump support placard.jpg
Trump’s claims of Trump’s endowment have landed him a large number of self-loathing women voters, who have been brainwashed to believe they are worthless, and need Daddy Donald to make them f*ckably great again.

Trump on Trump

If you can’t yet shout your strong opinion of Trump on a placard in all-caps, here’s a little taste of Donald’s sweet Cointreau purulent discharge in a powerful cocktail mixed with his super premium vodka and his Success by Trump cologne. If you have already smelt much of his intense bouquet of hubris, melons and orange-flavoured fairy floss, it’s still worth sucking down another few of his infamous stiff drinks to further enhance the effectiveness of this ultimate Rorschach test:

Doc Trump: 

“I’ve known people that had totally magnificent children, functioning a hundred percent, everything beautiful, smart as a whip, and they go for this shot and get this shot of this massive dose, of everything at one time, and they end up with horrible autism.” Laura Ingraham radio interview, 2015, as reported on crank website Natural News

“When you suffer from pathological disease, you’re not really getting better unless you start taking pills and things… There’s something very strange here. Something very strange is going on,” Trump said of former Republican presidential competitor Ben Carson. O’Reilly Factor, 2015. (Carson, a retired surgeon who doesn’t believe in evolution, has now endorsed Trump for president)

Dopey Trumpey:

“I know some of you may think l’m tough and harsh but actually I’m a very compassionate person (with a very high IQ) with strong common sense” Twitter, 2013

Bashful Trumpful:

“I will be the greatest jobs president that God ever created”  Presidential campaign speech, 2016

Donald-Trump with Hillary
Trump and Clinton possibly discussing their future plans: 1. Share the presidency between 2016 and 2032. 2. Share their 5000 Mexican toilet cleaner sex slaves 3. Share their billions in Saudi Arabian bribe money to keep ISIS alive and ignore Yemen

Grumpy Trumpy: 

“Rosie O’Donnell’s disgusting both inside and out. You take a look at her, she’s a slob. She talks like a truck driver, she doesn’t have her facts, she’ll say anything that comes to her mind.” Entertainment Tonight, 2006

Sneezy Trumpy:

  • Interviewer: “Donald, do you get the flu shot every year?”
  • Trump: “No.”
  • Interviewer: “Why?”
  • Trump: “I don’t know. I’ve never had a flu shot and I’ve never had the flu.”
  • Trump: “I don’t like the idea of injecting bad stuff into your body.

Sleepy Trumpy:

“I don’t sleep much. I don’t sleep much.” Presidential campaign speech, 2016

trump ivanka
Trump’s daughter, Ivanka, thinks, “I’d love to punch him in the face.”

Happy Trumpy:

“[Ivanka posing for Playboy] would be really disappointing — not really — but it would depend on what’s inside the magazine. I don’t think Ivanka would do that, although she does have a very nice figure. I’ve said if Ivanka weren’t my daughter, perhaps I’d be dating her.” The View, 2006

“When I think I’m right, nothing bothers me.” 60 Minutes, 1985

Snow Whitey Trumpy:

“The concept of global warming was created by and for the Chinese in order to make U.S. manufacturing non-competitive.” Twitter, 2012 (later Trump claimed he was joking, but in 2015 stated that a lot of the climate change movement was a hoax)

The Evil Queeny Trumpy:

“If Hillary Clinton can’t satisfy her husband what make her think she can satisfy America?” Twitter, 2015, later deleted

“I think the only card she has is the women’s card. She has got nothing else going. Frankly, if Hillary Clinton were a man, I don’t think she would get 5% of the vote. And the beautiful thing is women don’t like her, ok?” Victory press conference, New York, 2016

“But to think that Apple won’t allow us to get into her back door? Who do they think they are? No, we have to open it up.” Only said by my Trump projection to make this photo even creepier and weirder.

Trump the Magic Mirror:

“Money was never a big motivation for me, except as a way to keep score. The real excitement is playing the game.” Twitter, 2014

“I had some beautiful pictures taken in which I had a big smile on my face. I looked happy, I looked content, I looked like a very nice person, which in theory I am.” Crippled America: How to Make America Great Again, 2015

“There have been many bad things said about me over the years, and in some cases they’ve been true. It doesn’t bother me. If I have a fault and somebody exposes that fault or talks about that fault, you won’t hear me complain.” The Atlantic, 2013

Trump the Huntsman:

On Senator John McCain: “He’s a war hero because he was captured. I like people that weren’t captured,” Presidential campaign speech, 2015

“Sen. John McCain should be defeated in the primaries. Graduated last in his class at Annapolis–dummy!” Twitter, 2015

Prince Donald Charming:

“Part of the beauty of me is that I am very rich.” Good Morning America, 2011

“ISIS will be gone if I’m elected president. And they’ll be gone quickly. They will be gone very, very quickly… However, unlike other candidates for the presidency, war and aggression will not be my first instinct. You cannot have a foreign policy without diplomacy. A superpower understands that caution and restraint are really truly signs of strength.” Foreign policy speech, 2016

“When Mexico sends its people, they’re not sending the best. They’re bringing drugs. They’re bringing crime. They’re rapists. And some, I assume, are good people… I’ll build a great, great wall on our Southern border and I will have Mexico pay for that wall. Mark my words.” Campaign Launch, 2015

Ben Carson on the two Donald Trumps

What do Trump’s former adversaries have to say? Ben Carson’s endorsement of Trump echoes many people who know the Donald well, and adds an extra bitter-sweet spice to his devil-fruit and angel-berry trifle flavour explosion. Trump’s game of becoming president may be played very differently to his game of being president.

“There are two different Donald Trumps. There’s the one you see on the stage, and there’s the one who’s very cerebral, sits there and considers things very carefully. You can have a very good conversation with him. And that’s the Donald Trump that you’re going to start seeing more and more of.”

trump putin 3
There are two different Donald Trumps. One wears sunglasses, has no comb-over and wrestled docile bears to become president. The other Donald is up against a pair of vicious old beavers.

Brain hurt; must make simple; stay calm or TRUMP SMASH!

Are you totally confused now? The constant barrage of scatter-shot Trump-input makes our brains hurt, so instead of really trying to understand the man and his motivations, many of us have projected onto Trump our own hopes and fears about immigrants and queers lurking within our own psyches. Children and narcissists do the same with their puppets and love dolls. A short, simple, extreme, golden-straw-hair-man argument catch-phrase about Trump is much easier to blurt out and defend, whether positive or negative, instead of discussing, at great length, the subtlety, nuance and commanding gentleness of Donald’s love making all American women perfect 10s again.

If anyone questions your opinions on the next commander in chief of the greatest military force and civilian militia in the world wielding AR15s and Sig Sauer MCXs, you can use some classic piquant Trump insults like “you’re so awkward and goofy” and “you’re a loser”.

trump doll
“I would bring back waterboarding and I’d bring back a hell of a lot worse than waterboarding.” Republican Presidential Debate, ABC News, 2016

Trump’s brilliance could be like this diagram: a convincing illusion for many

Our brains have a tendency to mold ambiguous information / people into simplistic patterns / stereotypes we can understand, like ‘all white males are privileged, entitled A-holes’.

Here’s a classic example that is only a little more simple than Trump’s immigration policy. There are NO triangles but we dumb the diagram down so we see an upside-down triangle sitting on top of another triangle and over three black circles. The conviction by many that Trump could make a great president may be as illusory as these triangles. Or, if he surrounds himself with the right people, and listens to them, his presidential team may be able to materialise the two triangles and compensate for Trump’s deficiencies.

triangle optical illusion.png

trump make america great again.png
“We could be politically correct that the c*ck size doesn’t matter, but the c*ck size obviously matters. Like I wouldn’t have my job if I weren’t this big.” What many likely heard Trump saying on The Strip View, 2014

3,4 or 5 word slogans work, because our brains are stupid

If you’re still having trouble summing up the Donald, here are some examples of conflicting opinions you can choose from that have been whizzing around faster than Donald running to the bathroom after making his great American prostate prostrate again:

  • “Trump’s a moron” vs “Trump’s very cerebral”
  • “Trump’s a great business man” vs “Trump is bankrupt”
  • “Trump hates Mexicans” vs “Trump employs many Mexicans!”
  • “Trump’s a misogynist” vs “Trump loves his daughter”
  • “Trump is Hitler” vs “Trump will fix American politics”
  • “Ivana Trump” vs “Ivana move to Canada”
trump hitler.jpg
Using ‘reductio ad hitlerum‘ makes the regressive left so hateable

Donald Trump is great for humanity

Even if you hate Mutually Assured Donald-struction and truly believe that, with Trump as leader of the free world, we are all doomed, at least he will be useful for you, as the ultimate Rorschach Test, so you can gain complete insight into your psyche in the final few years before humanity’s extinction.

“On your knees, you flat-chested, fat, bimbo, pig-dog!” Your Trump projection knows how to talk dirty.

Notes / Links:

  • Thanks to Dean Brennan for our many Trump conversations
  • Thanks to my wife for banning Trump conversations at home
  • A future article will be hopelessly devoted to my obsession: my own dear Donald, a virtual effigy which is biologically accurate: including his manly long fingers and fully functional towering nuclear sperm missile launcher. Many would love to get inside the real Trump and wriggle around, but we can’t. The best we can do is probe our Donald delusion and look for clues pertaining to our own unconscious biases about disgusting, ugly lady-pigs and man-losers with micro-penises.

donald trump fingers

Articles trying to convince us that Donald is either flaccid or hard:

Donald the esteemed scientist:

Trump long and meaty documentaries:

  • Feature-length documentary about McDonald Trump’s Scottish golf course (old)
  • Feature-length documentary about Trump’s rise to not be a walking punch line to all disenchanted Americans with unfulfilled unrealistically high expectations
  • Long video on why Trump is a winner like Charlie Sheen on his awesome new HIV drugs that have even reinstated his comic timing

Short and quick Trump videos:

You can follow The Founder, Dave Chaffey Hippie on Twitter, Facebook, Vine, Tumblr, Pinterest, Instagram and LinkedIn. Or just label him as dysfunctional and go hang out with your friends who are more fake than your macho heterosexuality.

The Future of Post-Humanity feels sorry for all of us.

3 thoughts on “Donald Trump is the ultimate Rorschach Test

Troll me under a bridge, you sexy oaf.

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