Warning: if you can’t handle a message coated with ironic sexual humour, written by a feminist with an absurdist penis, please go elsewhere
Sport is war for sanitary-padded man-pussies
Most people like me have little interest in sport and tossle-pot radio; but when sporting celebrities try to ‘bone’ my love for real comedy and drown my feminist sense and sensibilities, I get outrage-aroused enough to hate-f*ck-squirt out articles like this one. While I’m 70% male, the comforting-unattractive female comedian hidden inside me needs to rise up against the patriarchy of c*ck fighters; who continue to oppress and classify women into trophies, mummas and fuglies. (refer offensive diagram)
History has well and truly repeated itself enough times now to believe that Eddie McGuire most likely is a bully who uses his misogyny and hatred of diversity as weapons disguised as jokes. His apologies feel emptier than his little testicles after the rumored weekly Channel 9 bukkake initiation for all new female, gay and non-white employees.
In Australia, it’s not considered socially acceptable any longer to burn witches at the stake; but there’s no major problem, it seems, with calling women witches and black widows, just because they won’t worship at the man altar. Only a few hairy shrill feminists usually get offended, when it’s someone in the public eye, like Peter ‘Perfect’ Dutton, doing the name-calling, and these femi-nazis are perceived by many as always having their granny knickers in a knot about something that isn’t really that big of a deal. But if you listen closely to their siren-succubus songs and get sucked in without getting burnt, it should Dawn French on you that our culture just can’t yet seem to realise that our language clearly affects our attitudes and behaviour. If you think that the recent Australian government advertising about respect for women is a load of rubbish, then I’m sorry for you, and everyone you interact with, because you can’t/won’t lift your black widow veil of misogyny.
The latest Eddie McGuire fracas I’ve been rubbing up against until I bleed is discussed in Erin Riley’s important article, where she rightly criticises the comments made by Eddie, and the other knuckle-draggers I can’t be bothered naming, on some sausage-sizzle AFL radio show that I’d like to pretend doesn’t exist. (article linked above includes audio and transcript has been copied below)
There’ll be no escape for the Princess journalist this time
Here’s what these over-cooked cheerio sausages had to say about a motor neuron disease charity event where celebrities go down a slide into icy water:
McGuire: “In fact I reckon we should start the campaign for a one-person slide next year. Caroline Wilson. And I’ll put in ten grand straight away- make it twenty. And if she stays under, fifty.”
Commentary: If it ended there, I don’t think this crosses the line. Eddie doesn’t like Caroline, it seems, but he isn’t threatening violence. I just probably wouldn’t make a similar joke about someone drowning themselves at a suicide-prevention charity event.
Eddie: What do you reckon guys? Who else is up there? I know you’re in JB?
Brayshaw: No, yep, Straight in
Danny Frawley: I’ll be in amongst it Ed
McGuire: Is Duck there?
Wayne Carey: Yes, I’m here mate.
McGuire: Duck’s in. Danny’s in — already spoken up.
Frawley: Yeah I’m in Ed.
McGuire: I could do an auction here today.
Commentary: Barely coherent man-talking typical of these types of radio shows. Eddie is reminding us that he’s the king alpha-c*ck at the top of the pecker order.
Frawley: I’ll actually jump in and make sure she doesn’t — I’ll hold her under, Ed.
Commentary: I don’t know and don’t care who Frawley is, but this is where suddenly they are joking about one man drowning a woman they don’t like, while the others stand around and watch. Wherever ‘the line’ is; they have just kicked 100m past it. When a woman is essentially labelled as a fugly by high-on-the-spectrum misogynistic alpha-men, they will typically be forced to endure bullying, harassment, death threats, and even violence in some cases. If we can think about misogyny as a spectrum disorder; I would place joke-threats of murder by a man on a woman as pretty high up the spectrum. It’s somewhat akin to the non-violent extremist who threatens that the West is corrupt and will be destroyed. In isolation, we know there will be no blood by this particular person; but in the context where there are violent anti-West terrorists in the world, these are threats that we know may be executed by someone. Likewise, we know that domestic violence is mostly committed by men on women. Violence towards women jokes can be used with caution when pointing out that it’s a bad thing; but certainly not when used as a bullying tactic. Can I make this any clearer for these lunk-heads?
McGuire: I reckon we could charge ten thousand for everyone to stand around the outside and bomb her.
Commentary: This is where Eddie could have fixed it by pointing out that Frawley had just dropped the ball. The AFL are trying to stop the portrayal of Aussie Rules as a war substitute only for men. But no, Eddie Mc-sogyny-Guire decides to value-add to the threat-joke by proposing gang murder. I understand that the visual imagery of death by group bomb-diving is less sadistic, and slightly comical, in isolation, but it just makes things worse after Frawley’s preceding murder fantasy.
Damien Barrett: I’m on Caro’s side now, Ed. I’m on Caro’s side these days, Ed.
McGuire: She’ll burn you like everyone else, mate. She’s like the black widow. She just sucks you in and gets you and you start talking to her and then BANG! She gets you.
Commentary: Damien Barrett, with 86,000 followers on Twitter, so is presumably someone to some people, is the one dissenting voice. He uses a nickname for Caroline, which suggests he is able to treat people as equals regardless of their physical appearance. But this just triggers Eddie to just keep burying himself deeper in his ‘don’t trust anything that bleeds for a week and doesn’t die’ man-hole. This is his worst comment. There’s little doubt he’s obsessed with the gender of Caroline Wilson, on top of the gang murder fantasising. The ‘black widow’ part has been omitted from much of the reporting, yet it’s no less news-worthy than Dutton’s ‘mad witch’ comments. My inner female would much prefer to be called a c*** or a witch than a black widow; unless he’s talking about competitive eater Sonya Thomas, also known as ‘The Leader of the Four Horsemen of the Esophagus’.
Brayshaw: If you ran that auction from down there, I reckon you’d start grabbing some bids out of the seats too. There’d be money piling in everywhere
McGuire: It’s be magnificent. I think we should do that next year. It’s all good for footy.
Brayshaw: Bloody oath!
Commentary: Gang murder for charity would be incredibly popular, right?
Send the little boys to the naughty step until they can explain why they needed to be punished?
As a penis-owner myself, I have been privileged/cursed to witness many of these kinds of men-only conversations; though they are usually more gang rapey in flavour than jokey about murder. It’s a spectrum of domination fantasies I suppose. While I realise that these kinds of radio shows are made by blokes for blokes, they are not private. Anyone can listen in. We must not forget that women have been allowed to become AFL fans since 2007; as long as their husbands or fathers supervise and man-splain all the difficult concepts to them.
Predictably, no one will be punished, as apparently, it’s fine for Eddie to be a repeat offender of misogyny and hatred of diversity, then just issue a meaningless apology. Even though some see right through the act, many can easily forgive people who have some charm and lots of money, over and over again. The other nobodies, Brayshaw and Frawley, also apologised with varying degrees of sincerity. Are apologies enough when men continue to get away with being snake-monsters because ‘boys will be boys’?
The AFL really should have taken a stand and shown they are more than just talk and token gestures. It’s time to grind down hard on Eddie and his mates so that perhaps we may come to realise that people without straight white penises (PWSWP) are still not treated equally in our society; and it’s despicable to use that power imbalance to try and bully people into silence.
I will continue to point out the destructive absurdity of real misogyny by making bizarre misandry and misogyny jokes. What will you do to encourage a society where people are treated as equal brain popsicles on sticks rather than mainly judged for their paddle-pop sticks?
How many angry feminists would it take to drown Eddie McGuire in reverse bukkake squirt juices for charity?
You can follow The Founder, Dave Chaffey Hippie on Twitter, Facebook page, Vine, Pinterest, Instagram and LinkedIn. The Founder calls himself a feminist and accepts that some men see him as a traitor, and some women just don’t believe men can be feminists, because they don’t know what it feels like to own a vagina. Well, The Founder does own a vagina; his obedient wife follows him around wherever he goes.